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We
have to say that there is nothing more annoying than a Westerner trying to teach
an Asian girl how to be Asian. We actually have experienced first hand a number of
high-powered men who seem to keep wanting to teach us how to eat
sushi. Hahaha... Can't they see we are
Asian?! Quel pain. We really run away from guys like
this. - HELLO! TAI TAI
The Kimono Quandary: The Problems with Asian Fetishism
A reporter once asked Lucy Liu what would make her run screaming from a man’s
bedroom.
“Anything indicating an Asian fetish,” she said. “I’ve seen guys who
had a shoji screen and fan over the bed. That would make me run
screaming, and then I’d probably come back and burn his house down.”
I can’t really determine the definitive horror of that scene, but I could
with a few more lively set pieces: hentai porn videos, an original Miss
Saigon poster, a koi fish swimming beneath the glass top of a coffee
table.
The underlying spook of Liu’s nightmare is that the man’s attraction for
the material ornaments of an exotic Asian culture — which invariably comes
with an awareness for the historical, political and societal relationships
between his racial group and the one he’s dating — has somehow crept into
his sexual desires. The objectification can be insulting because many of those
relationships harbor resilient Asian stereotypes. In the bedroom, feminine
submissiveness (for straight men) and boyish-youthful slightness (for gay men)
are common turn-ons for people looking for an Asian bedroom fantasy. My Asian
American friend was once asked to wear a kimono during a sexual encounter with
a white man. She now rarely dates white men.
[Is this true? We saw her with George Clooney on some website
last year]
On a different occasion, Liu also said, “If a man had dated an Asian woman
before me, I would probably never consider going out with him. Because I think
Asian women are addictive. Once you've gone out with one, you get attracted
to them and kind of have an Asian fetish after that. We do have soft skin.”
I have a difficult time understanding the potential problems of this scenario,
simply because there’s nothing insulting about being known for having soft
skin. I also have no problems with Asians being known to have beautiful eyes,
proportionate physiques, youthful complexions or shiny hair. I regard these as
attractive physical attributes, and the fact that such beauty can be very
specific to so many Asians seems positive. But with the horrible way “Asian
fetish” is constantly used these days, we would hardly know it.
When applied effectively, the term can be useful in exploring the potential
hazards found in an interracial relationship with Asians. When applied
blindly, not only is the term offensive to non-Asians with perfectly healthy
sexual desires, it generally degrades Asians.
There’s simply no evidence for Liu’s concern with her second suitor.
I’ve had friends call out “Asian fetish” just for seeing a
white-and-Asian couple, holding hands in public. “Rice queen,” if the
situation is two men.
A white man who dated one Asian person before dating Lucy Liu tells me that
he’s open to dating Asians. If he had a longer history of dating Asians
before Lucy Liu, that would tell me he enjoys dating Asians. If he dated only
Asians, it would concern me for the same reason if he dated exclusively black,
Hispanic or even white — that his sexual desires have become an unflappable
concept and not a maturing experience.
Such exclusivity would be unfortunate for him, but not reprehensible. Sexual
desires are hard to explain, and it is unfair to attach them automatically to
oppressive racial relations found outside the bedroom. And when these desires
involve consenting adults, there’s really no use in suppressing them.
My gay white friend once asked me if I thought it was a problem that he
regularly dated Asian men and enjoyed sake. (In a restaurant, when he ordered
sake, his Asian American date gave him a judgmental look.)
I thought his anxiety was silly, but my friend — bleeding heart, culturally
hypersensitive, New York liberal — was distraught. He actually considered
not dating Asians in some strange hope that it would help fight racism. He
shouldn’t have to feel that way, particularly since he has dated other
races. He doesn’t have a tattoo of a dragon, and he has the good sense to
think that I’m pretty hot.
That last line was a joke, but it sets up my final point: Using the phrase
“Asian fetish” ultimately downgrades the beauty of Asian people. No other
race or ethnicity is so closely associated with the word “fetish,” which
is commonly understood as a bizarre obsession (i.e., finding Asians attractive
is a symptom of abnormality). It means Asian admirers can only be understood
through their own marginalization. As an angry Texas student once wrote in his
college newspaper, “How is it fair to put an entire race of people in the
same category as licking feet?” Lastly, the term helps white people, who are
most often the counterpart in any Asian fetish equation, to remain the
standard in defining beauty.
More often these days I’ve heard Asian Americans, like Lucy Liu, say
“Asian fetish” in a more accusatory way — as if pointing to a wolf in
sheep’s clothing in order to protect their own racial flocks.
Every racial group is touchy about its own stereotypes. There’s no question
that Asian Americans, having come so far in many ways, are touchier than ever,
and they’ll be damned if people start pigeonholing our roles in the bedroom.
When Asians get upset at their non-Asian partners for dating exclusively
Asians, many times they’re upset by the possibility that they’re being
loved only for their Asian-ness. Oftentimes, Asians who date outside their own
race do so because they’re not attracted to other Asians. So, in a way, they
resent their lovers for lumping them with a group of people that they
personally find unattractive. It’s a pattern of self-hatred and low
self-esteem.
There’s no question that fighting stereotypes is important, and exploring
real examples of harmful cultural obsessions should be a part of that
struggle. The problem comes when we yell, “Asian fetish!” and there is no
“wolf” to speak of — just a person of another race who happens to enjoy
the looks of an Asian person. - by Tommy
Nguyen ASIAN
WEEK 25 Aug 2006
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