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Pushing 50, solo - and living it up
Marjorie Hillis wanted single women of a
certain age to stop thinking of themselves as spinsters.
The term, she believed, is dated, stale and
no longer applies to the modern independent female.
"You can figure out for yourself just
what you'll become with a mental picture of 'Poor little me, all alone in a
big bad world,' " she wrote in a book on the subject. "Not only will
you soon actually be alone; you will also be an outstanding example of the
superbore."
Ms. Hillis, an associate editor at Vogue
magazine, imparted that wisdom in 1936, in a book called Live Alone And
Like It - a clarion call to single women who have left their 20s and 30s
behind, encouraging them to cancel the pity party and begin living it up. More
than 70 years later, women may be finally starting to listen.
The book, with chapters titled
"Pleasures of a single bed" and "A lady and her liquor,"
was re-released in North America last month. And its resurgent popularity is
emblematic of a new era of unapologetically single older women.
"It really seemed to touch a
nerve," said Emily Griffin, editor at 5 Spot, the book's U.S. publisher.
"The concept just seemed very timely to us."
According to 2006 census data released last
September, 3,774,435 Canadians over the age of 50 live alone.
And in 2006, more than half of the adult
population of Canada were single - either divorced, separated, widowed or
never married.
But this generation of the older and alone
is not to be pitied. The phenomenon has spawned its own heroes in real life
and in popular culture.
In the Sex and the City film
released in May, the über-sexual Samantha Jones defiantly chooses to return
to singledom at 50 rather than live in an unsatisfying monogamous relationship
with a hot younger man.
Barbara Walters, who at 78 has been married
three times, raised eyebrows recently in her kiss-and-tell-all autobiography, Audition,
in which she recounts sexual conquests with a relish usually reserved for
women half her age.
Cher, 62, has reportedly been
simultaneously dating three younger men, while Amy Sedaris, the 47-year-old
comedian and sister of author David Sedaris, has repeatedly joked with David
Letterman about her imaginary boyfriend, Ricky.
Being over 40 and on your own is no longer
a source of shame or sadness for many women, says Karen Golets Pancer, an
English professor at Humber College in Toronto who is working on a book called
Living Single in a Couples World: Men and Women over 50 Tell Their Stories.
"If they have been unhappy, they've
passed that point," she said. "I think women see themselves as more
[capable] of standing on their own two feet."
Ms. Golets Pancer, 56, divorced her husband
10 years ago after a 23-year marriage. At first, she did not believe she would
remain single for long. She was an attractive and accomplished woman in her
40s, and expected that love was still in the cards.
"Around 50, I had to think about
whether I would be spending the rest of my life single," said Ms. Golets
Pancer, who is still looking for subjects for her book. "Finding someone
seemed less likely and maybe less important."
She hopes that her book will be comforting
to older singletons and revelatory for younger readers.
"The life we're leading has a lot
going for it and a lot to be envied," she said. "If you end up not
being married it's not terrible."
Her book will be organized around themes of
adjustment, freedom, men, children, finances, career, sex and love, although
Ms. Golets Pancer said the latter two subjects have not come up as often as
she expected.
"The women I've interviewed are not
willing to settle," she said. "They might meet someone they're
attracted to and forget some of their standards, but eventually they come to
their senses."
None of her subjects mentioned loneliness
as a major problem, and all have active social lives and challenging careers.
"I would say all of them were thrilled
by the freedom they had, and certainly I am," she said. "I learned
how to be on my own, and it's actually fine."
With a similarly empowering message, Live
Alone and Like It was a major sensation upon its original release.
In fact, Ms. Hillis was considered such a
hero to the single set that her marriage in 1939 was met with some disbelief.
"Miss Hillis's telephone was busy
yesterday, creating the suspicion that she had lifted the receiver from the
hook to avoid answering phone calls," read a wedding announcement in The
New York Times on June 24, 1939.
"It was reported that a number of
bachelor girls whose cause she so recently espoused were indignant at what
they considered a gross betrayal."
- 2008 July 3 GLOBE
& MAIL
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