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LIFESTYLE
Sometimes gratitude comes easily. Often it's
surprisingly elusive and difficult. Here are 10 suggestions for cultivating
a practice of gratitude:
1. Keep a daily gratitude journal
Writing down your thoughts and feelings deepens them. Studies show people
who keep gratitude journals tend to be happier, healthier and more
successful at achieving goals. It is affirming to see much of your life as a
gift. In your daily journal, try to not to be repetitive about those
qualities or people for which you feel blessed. Recall them with vividness.
Don't let the list grow stale.
2. Remember the bad
This may seem counter-intuitive. When you remember the worst things that
happened to you, you remind yourself that you survived, made your way out of
the dark and are now in a more pleasant place. Remembering what went wrong
is an example of "counter-factual" thinking, a reminder of how
things are now compared to how they could have been. As the saying goes:
"It could have been worse."
3. Ask Yourself Three Questions
This Buddhist technique involves answering three questions:
1. What have I received from ------------?
2. What have I given to -------------?
3. What troubles and difficulties have I caused?
The first question helps us avoid dwelling on our problems, the second helps
sidestep a feeling of entitlement and the third asks us to reflect on our
hurtful actions, which helps us realize we live by grace and good fortune.
4. Learn Prayers of Gratitude
Prayers of thanksgiving are among the most common types of prayer. Even if
you are a secularist or a Buddhist who doesn't believe in a supreme being,
you could follow the lead of Vietnamese monk Thich Nhat Hanh who each day
offers a meditation of thanksgiving for "the wonders of life." If
you find yourself having trouble offering thanks, try hoping "for the
ability to be grateful."
5. Get in Touch with your Senses
The most cited trigger of happiness by people who keep gratitude journals is
good health. Eighty per cent of journal writers in one study of gratitude
cited feeling thanks for everything from not being fat to having eyes that
can see and nostrils that can smell. When in doubt, bring attention to your
breath, which is freely available to all, to reflect on being alive.
6. Use Visual Reminders
It may sounds corny and even mawkish, but wall plaques, fridge magnets or
sticky saying "Give Thanks" or "Today is a Gift" can be
effective reminders for overcoming two of the biggest barriers to the
reality our lives are made easier by others: Forgetfulness and lack of
mindful awareness.
7. Make a vow to practise gratitude
Swearing an oath can be a powerful motivator. When we break it, we feel
moral failure. So when we vow not to take so many things for granted or
count our blessings, we are greatly increasing the likelihood we'll change
our habits.
8. Watch what you say
The words we use influence how we feel and act. They create reality.
Cognitive therapists observe that depressed people constantly use negative
self-talk, such as "Nobody likes me" or "I'm such a
loser." Instead of focusing on regret and lack, grateful people tend to
use words such as "blessed," "fortunate" and
"gift."
9. Go through the motions
Sometimes pretending to be happy or loving can make us so. Same with
gratitude. Going through the motions of saying "thank you" or
writing letters of gratitude can make us more appreciative. If we stand
around waiting for a feeling to move us, we might never get going.
10. Think outside the box
Gratitude can be practised in odd ways. For instance, the Dalai Lama talks
about being grateful for his enemies, including the Chinese government that
has oppressed his Tibetan people. Chinese authorities, he says, taught him
patience. Sometimes we can also feel gratitude for those we help - since
thankfulness is not really complete until it's expressed in outward action.
(Adapted from the work of psychologist Robert A.
Emmons, of The University of California, Davis)
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